Sometimes things happen, you’re confronted with a situation that does not sit right with your soul, and you’re put in a crossroads where you are faced with a choice; Keep quiet, assume other people see what you see, and hope for the best OR put your big girl pants on and call it like you see it. In this case, it means forgoing my slightly more curated post for some good ol’ fashion diary style blogging.
This has happened twice in the past week. Two situations, alike in dignity; two individuals both of the same social standing. In fair Facebook where we lay our scene, where bad decisions make our mutiny, where civil questions unanswered make civil Kiwis give you fucking side eye for days while Googling Shakespeare quotes to fully articulate the level of drama that has been achieved. As much fun as it would be (for you) for me to rehash every detail of stuff… I’m not gonna do that. Sorry. You probably are aware of at least one anyway.
The biggest thing that both of the aforementioned situations have had in common is that the thing that I’ve felt in my heart to be the right thing to do has been the one that also has been the harder option. Likewise, both of these situations could have been prevented if the people in question had done the right thing from the start. Often, the right thing is the least appealing option; it doesn’t put the extra money in your pocket, it doesn’t surround you with only positive feelings, and it doesn’t tell you what you want to hear.
30 has been a year of rediscovering myself; both who I think I am, and who I choose to be. If I have learned anything, it’s that putting your personal ethics and values first is a fucking hard thing to do. Going against something that is comfortable, loved, popular, or even just familiar is fucking hard. Although neither of the aforementioned situations are even close to the hardest things I’ve ever done, they still stung and sucked. But I can fall asleep at night (when I do actually sleep at night) knowing that I made the best possible choice I could at that time.
So often we keep silent about the things that tip our judgement scales out of balance because we’re afraid that the hurt or discomfort from doing the right thing isn’t going to pay off in the long run. We don’t want to be ostracized or have our livelihoods impacted. I wish I had some bullshitty motivational speech to tell you that it’s worth the heart pounding anxiety and that I have the secret to making this situation easier to confront. I don’t. Maybe try a Hobonichi?
What I will tell you is that you’re probably not alone in the way you feel, and unless someone calls a fig a fig it will continue on. When you do the right things, you’ll find you have support in very unlikely places and perhaps by fairly influential people. If you’re silenced or removed, you’re probably right about something. Karma works 97.2% of the time. If you keep letting the dog pee on the couch, you can’t get mad about your couch smelling like pee.
So yeah, that’s my takeaway from this. Don’t pee on the fucking couch. And if you do, own up to it and clean up after your mess.