I bought the Kate Spade Keds.
I can hear the sighs and eyerolls already. “Of course you did, Kiwi… you’re basic af and your soul is made of black glitter.” It is true that this is very keeping with my aesthetic, and that if you were to summon me with a pentagram you would put these shoes, baby cat, and a Venti Iced Americano (7 pumps SFVanilla, light cream!). But there is a bit more behind it…
As I eased in to my twenties, i used to wear glitter shoes ALL THE DAMN TIME. I was known for it. I was unironically referred to as “twinkle toes”. I was in a weird place in my life, unsure of what my next steps were, but my shoes shone bright and I knew they would lead me down the right path.
As I’m easing in to my thirties, I’m feeling the same sort of flux. My twenties had some high highs and some low lows that have put me in a place that I didn’t imagine myself at. Shiny shoes don’t have the answers, but they’ll look good as I go find them.
But these aren’t just any shoes. These are Kate Spade shoes, and that means something.
I’ve written a lot about my struggles with my anxiety. They just haven’t been published. I’m pretty open with my inner circle (or anyone I meet in person and talk to for an extended period of time) about my headspace and the factors that have lead there. But conversations are fleeting, and it’s easy to brush stuff away as “not a big deal”. Putting down in written words makes it so… real. Hard to hide behind a laugh and a joke.
When Kate Spade died it was shocking because she was a woman who had it all. She had her issues, but those around her said it always seemed to be under control. It was so relatable. She was the “strong friend”, someone who fought to go beyond her struggles and create beautiful things.
When I look down at these shoes I see the optimism of a twenty-year-old starting her adult life, the strength of a woman who worked hard to turn her inner turmoil in to beauty, and something that sparkles bright even though it’s surrounded by the darkness.
Now if only they also said “Fuck”…
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