Glitter and Pr*f@n!ty

The title may shock you, but I am here to tell you that the “self-care” culture is toxic AF. For as much as we as humans – and particularly as women, LGBTQA+, minorities, or chronically ill – do need to actively prioritize our own wellbeing above everything else, the saccharine syrup that has been spoon-fed to us as “self-care” is not doing most of us any favors. Instead of looking at aspects of our lives that actually need some TLC, or kicks in the ass as the case may be, it offers us platitudes that ignore or compound the things that are driving us to seek out self-care in the first place.

Now, don’t get me wrong… you should take care of yourself. The problem is, that often the things we need to put the time and care into are not things that need to be cared for, and when they are, they are presented as things that are easy to do if you just spend 10 minutes a day focusing on them. A quick Google search brought up the following suggestions:

• Hydrate yourself
• Eat a better diet
• Get your nails done
• Do a face mask
• Take a bath
• Stop being a perfectionist

…and these ARE all good things to do. I need to do at least 5 of these things right now. Realistically though, this list isn’t going to fix any of your problems in a quick and easy manner, and that’s what self-care is being presented to us as; a quick fix to cure whatever it is that ails you. THAT is a concept to be marketed.

As a “31-year-old-laaaaydeeee” (as sung by Jenna Marbles), I have fallen deep into this rabbit hole on so many things. I have bought:

• Fancy water bottles that are supposed to help me drink more water, and stickers to track my water consumption
• Meal delivery services that are supposed to be nutritionally optimized to help me fuel my body, taste delicious, and still help me go back to what 19-year-old me thought was “fat”
• SO many manicures and pedicures that take hours of my day to get done but ultimately end up chipped or shoved in my shoes due to the type of life I live
• A current stockpile of 32 face masks at home, many of which burn my skin or make me break out
• A drawer full of bath bombs that stain my bathtub and give me an excuse to use bathing as a coping mechanism to avoid my actual problems
• An actual fuckton of self-help books that don’t do shit (except this one), reiki, a small fortune on journaling supplies, classes to help guide me to use those supplies, and a life coach that just told me I was doing great because I was doing my best.

I could have bought a Tesla for the same price. Still wouldn’t have solved any of my problems, but I’d have a Tesla.

I think the issue with the self-care culture is that the things we actually need to do to take care of ourselves; like pay our bills, go to the doctor, unplug from the internet, be responsible with our money… they aren’t sexy, easy, or something that a third party can sell to us. These are things that need to be fixed in society or require a personal commitment to fix. Y’all… personal commitments are hard. You have to like… follow through with them and shit. Getting a massage is way easier because you can just lay there and take a nap.

The bullshittery really hit home with me while attempting to participate in this year’s #SelfCareSeptember on Instagram. Some friends of mine created a challenge and I joined in thinking “how hard can this be… I’ll drink some water and paint my nails and it’ll be great.”

I lasted 4 days.

You can say that “self-care isn’t selfish” all you want, but it is when you get a pedicure or go out with your friends instead of paying your rent.

The health and fitness community is currently going through an issue where people are obsessing over their “wellness” so much that it becomes toxic. There is now a term for it being used among dieticians and some doctors; orthorexia. I argue the same is happening in the “self-care” communities. People obsessing over caring for themselves that they ignore the financial, emotional, and social repercussions.

Instead, I argue that “self-care” is the new coping mechanism used to justify other unhelpful and potentially harmful coping mechanisms. That glass of wine to help you relax is fine on occasion but when you are pouring yourself one (or two or three) every night to deal with the stressors of the day, you are just masking and avoiding the issues that are causing you stress (and with potentially harmful consequences).

So, what’s the answer?